He's coming

Isaiah 25:6-9 "On this mountain the LORD of hosts will make for all peoples a feast of rich food, a feast of well-aged wine, of rich food full of marrow, of aged wine well refined. And he will swallow up on this mountain the covering that is cast over all peoples, the veil that is spread over all nations. He will swallow up death forever; and the Lord GOD will wipe away tears from all faces, and the reproach of his people he will take away from all the earth, for the LORD has spoken. It will be said on that day, “Behold, this is our God; we have waited for him, that he might save us. This is the LORD; we have waited for him; let us be glad and rejoice in his salvation.”

 Recently I've been clinging to the truth that this place is not my home. The pain and disappointment of life are so strong and real, that at times, it takes my breath away. I await the day when He will come again in glory and in judgement. I am waiting for him daily to save me from the wickedness of sin upon this earth and from the sin my own heart. The mar of the curse touches everything. Just when I think there is relief from it, it rears its ugly head.

 But thanks be to God, He will come again. Death will be no more. There will be no more sorrow and no more tears. We will see him as he is, face to face. All will be made glorious. I can almost picture it...almost. Restoration. Renewal. I imagine what it would be like, knowing that I see in a mirror dimly. It will be unlike any of us have ever known. Revival.

 I sit and ponder. I sit and wait. I wait for him that he might save me.

"now in the clear light of day..."

“Now in the clear light of day, I see that Jesus, if he was merely my accomplice, had betrayed me. If, on the other hand, he was God, he had freed me. For God is God, and if he is God, He is worthy of my worship and my service, and I will find rest nowhere but in His will, and that will is infinitely, immeasurably, unspeakably, beyond my largest notion of what He is up to." Elizabeth Elliot- No Graven Image. Job 42- God becomes the end. not the means to a good life. everything i have is a GIFT from god, my breath/life is grace. When i begin to think i deserve things, i've built my life/gain identity on those things. when suffering comes and it shakes those things. suffering can drive me from god. but if i see everything as grace i turn TO god in the midst suffering.

Heros

"What does it mean to be a kingdom of God hero? Enter darkness, especially your own. Enter that darkness with sufficient humility that it can only be called foolishness. And to the degree you find the bright and beautiful light of the kindness of God, then take that light to the darkest world that God calls you to enter and then let the voracious winds of hell try and suffocate the minuscule light you offer in his name. Come to see if you find God to be real, true, and good." -Dan Allender I want to desire a life on the edge, but I feel too often that I allow the comforts of this world trap me into a very different reality. What would it look like for me to live a life following Jesus with no regards to myself? I mean, that is what we're called to as Christians. Why are we so hesitant? Why do we shy away from entering hard relationships/situations? Why do we allow our culture to define how we live instead of following Jesus? I am torn up this morning as I write. My heart wants a life that is totally surrendered to Him, no matter the cost. I read blogs like Dan Allender's and there is a resounding "yes" echoing in my heart. But my head/my mind fight my heart. I am afraid of the sacrifices that may come my way. I pray that I will have the courage to follow Jesus wherever he calls me even if it is into the darkest of places.

Costly Grace

I've been having a rough night...I think it mostly has to do with the fact that the more I sit silently, the more I realize my humanity, which isn't necessarily a bad thing...just hard. There is just so much ugliness in my heart, so much refining that needs to be done. Sometimes in the silence, when all my thoughts come up, I wonder if I'm truly saved and if I've been changed even in the least bit by the Holy Spirit. John was talking today at church about Jesus and that it was a costly grace. I feel like I need a deeper revelation of what the truly means. I need a deeper knowledge of who Jesus is. Then I will know that despite ALL of my shortcomings, He still is working in my life. I'm not questioning my salivation really...I guess you could say that I am aware of my need for a Savior. I don't even understand fully.

"Oh wretched man that I am." "Oh to grace how great a debtor daily I'm constrained to be."

I guess its a good thing that I am learning to hate my sin. How is it possible to stop sinning? The outward action sins aren't too difficult to stop, its the ones that are rooted in my heart, in my brain...bitterness, jealousy, pride. How do you stop those?

Jesus let me know you more!!!

"This is Jesus in His glory, King of Heaven dying for me. It is finished He has done it. Death is beaten. Heaven beckons me."