Monday, October 26, 2009

Another year older

Here I am another year older; what a whirlwind of a year!

From single to married in 5 months
From living in landlocked Missouri to living on tropical island Okinawa
From being a full-time student to being a housewife who occasionally volunteers
From being a virgin know...
From having short hair to having long
From having 3 lady roommates to having 1 man roommate
From English, French, and Moore to Japanese
From non-denominational Christian Fellowship to baptist Koza
From being 23 to being 24
From shopping at Wal-Mart and Schnucks to shopping at the PX and the Commissary
From hobbies such as going to coffee shops to hobbies such as laying on the beach and bike riding

I never could have imagined a life filled with so much adventure, so much unknown, so much joy, and so much laughter. Its amazing all of the changes that take place in just one year of our lives; what a joy it is to have a constant in Jesus Christ. I pray, Lord, that you fill this next year with more excitement, more joy, and more adventure.

Sunday, October 4, 2009

Costly Grace

I've been having a rough night...I think it mostly has to do with the fact that the more I sit silently, the more I realize my humanity, which isn't necessarily a bad thing...just hard. There is just so much ugliness in my heart, so much refining that needs to be done. Sometimes in the silence, when all my thoughts come up, I wonder if I'm truly saved and if I've been changed even in the least bit by the Holy Spirit. John was talking today at church about Jesus and that it was a costly grace. I feel like I need a deeper revelation of what the truly means. I need a deeper knowledge of who Jesus is. Then I will know that despite ALL of my shortcomings, He still is working in my life. I'm not questioning my salivation really...I guess you could say that I am aware of my need for a Savior. I don't even understand fully.

"Oh wretched man that I am." "Oh to grace how great a debtor daily I'm constrained to be."

I guess its a good thing that I am learning to hate my sin. How is it possible to stop sinning? The outward action sins aren't too difficult to stop, its the ones that are rooted in my heart, in my brain...bitterness, jealousy, pride. How do you stop those?

Jesus let me know you more!!!

"This is Jesus in His glory, King of Heaven dying for me. It is finished He has done it. Death is beaten. Heaven beckons me."