Honestly

This evening so many things are running through my mind, thought about home, about love, about work, dinner, gifts...I can't seem to stay put on any of them. They are just rolling and running around in there, trying not to bump into each other. So this blog is going to be about the ramblings that are in my mind. We'll see what happens.


Sometimes I wonder where all the people have gone in my life. I have my husband here and a friend or two (the good, real ones), but where are all the others? I guess my life used to be characterized by going places, doing things, being someone because there was always someplace to go, something to do, or someone to be.

What happens when that all disappears seemingly overnight? Do I cease to exist?

I don't think so, although sometimes I feel like it. Sometimes I try to think why on earth I am in Okinawa, Japan living on a Marine Base where sometimes the loneliness is more than I can bare. If I psychoanalyze myself enough I can come up with some really good answers to the questions I've asked above. They'd be well thought out and "spiritual." For example, "The Lord is teaching me a great deal," which He is, or "I was using places, people, and my sense of being to characterize who I am, my worth, if you will, in this world," which is probably a true answer, but those answers are not what I feel. They give no weight when there is still a hole here and now. I know the answer is, "turn to Jesus." Sometimes that is easier said than done.